Salam my beautiful sisters. Apologies for taking a while to actually write a new post.
So, tonight is the 21st night of Ramadan Alhamdulilah. I literally cannot believe how fast this ruza has gone.
Like always, I feel so sad - I just always feel like I have never done enough. This year it was slightly different for me because I am working in London and by the time I come home its 7pm and then by the time I help Mum with food, it's iftar. So, unlike last year I feel like this year was disappointing. But, InshAllah Allah has accepted everything that I have done - this year it was quality over quantity!
I have utilised my 21st night by doing namaaz, reading Quran, watching lectures and reflecting. Reflection being key. For me, reflecting on oneself during Ramadan is so important. I basically thought about my character, the good deeds and bad deeds I have done, my behaviour towards my parents and family and just thought generally on how I can better myself. See - the problem with me is, I think too much, but in this case thinking too much is a good thing! I pray to Allah that He betters my character, keeps me on the straight path and most importantly fills my heart with Taqwa.
Even though Shaytan is 'locked' up during this month, his stirring still has an impact on our hearts and for me I just make duaa that Allah truly accepts my prayers in the last 10 blessed days of Ramadan.
So I leave you with this my little ones - Know that Allah is Al-Maliq, Allah truly governs us and without Allah we are nothing. He is the hand that feeds us, He guides us and He loves us. We are never alone, that is the beauty of Allah knowing what is inside our heart. So, seek refuge in the one who created your heart xxxx
Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Pateince...
In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful.
“And when he reached with him [the age of] exertion, he said, “O my son, indeed I have seen in a dream that I [must] sacrifice you, so see what you think.” He said, “O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the steadfast.” And when they had both submitted and he put him down upon his forehead, We called to him, “O Abraham, You have fulfilled the vision.” Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good. Indeed, this was the clear trial.” (Qur’an 37:102-106)
Above is the conversation between Ibrahim `alayhi sallatu wa sallam (may God send His peace and blessings on him) and one of his sons. Here we see that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He) asks Ibrahim (as) to make the most difficult of sacrifices. There are many kinds of tribulations in this world that leave us at utter loss and dismay, but one of the most painful tribulations for a parent is to lose his or her child. Yet, in the verses above we see a very different reaction from Ibrahim (as), and more so from his son. Allah (swt) makes it very clear at the end that it was obviously a trial for them. So what exactly makes these people different from us as to how we react to a test from Allah (swt)? A growing epidemic among Muslims today is the absolute impatience with the decree of Allah (swt). Oftentimes we see negativity in everything that unexpectedly happens to us; we completely lose our cool when afflicted with tribulation. And why do we react this way so often? Perhaps because our priorities are skewed and we trust ourselves more than we trust our Lord (swt).
Ibrahim (as) and his son were in a complete state of submission to their Lord—they had an undeniable certainly that their Lord, Al Lateef (the Gentle, the Subtle), would never hurt them, that they were in the good hands of Al Waali (the Protecter). To make it clearer, Imam al Ghazali (may God have mercy on him) said that it does not matter what situation you are in, what matters is what you make out of that situation. This means that we need to realize and be confident in what really matters. Our priority is to be successful in terms of the akhira (afterlife). Our priority is to be in obedience to Allah (swt) in every living condition possible.
Allah (swt) Exists when we are unwell and when we are well. He (swt) Exists when we are poor and when we are rich, when we are sad and when we are happy. So what difference does our state make when, in every state, Al Hay (the Living God) is ever-present with us? Can’t a poor person be more beloved to Allah (swt) than a rich person because of his mindfulness of Allah? Can’t a person with cancer be more beloved to Allah than a healthy person because of her love for Allah (swt)? We don’t have knowledge of the unseen. We don’t know what His plans for us are. But the knowledge that Allah (swt) did convey to us through His messengers is that the only thing that has any value in His sight is our taqwa (mindfulness of God). And the moment we internalize this, our problems of dunya (this life) will begin to look insignificant. How can outward and arbitrary tribulations be tribulations when we know that these events, by no means, can take us away from His obedience?
Some may ask, well if Allah has already decreed everything for us, then what’s the point of life anyway? Yes, whatever Allah (swt) has decreed will come to pass, but the point is not what Allah has decreed, the point is our reaction and response to whatever Allah (swt) decreed for us. Let us consider the example of Aasiya (may God be pleased with her): it was decreed that she would marry Pharaoh, but her forbearance and absolute conviction in the hereafter brought her so close to Allah (swt) that Allah showed her her house in Paradise. So next time we face a dead end in life, let’s remember that the situation at hand is not important. The importance actually lies in the fact that Allah (swt) has given you a chance to prove your love for Him.
And why should our priority be the akhira and not the dunya? Because whether good or bad, our life will come to an end very soon, but the hereafter is eternal. After 50 years it won’t matter if you got accepted to Yale or not. What’s going to matter for eternity is our relationship with our Lord. We all want to go to Jannah (Paradise), but the even the thought of death makes us uncomfortable. Perhaps that is because deep inside we know that we are not serious enough about our permanent abode. Most of us get worried out of our wits when we can’t hand in an assignment on time, but we couldn’t care less about the call of the adhaan (the call to prayer) five times a day. We log onto Facebook every day, but we forget to open the book of Allah as often. Allah (swt) is not being unfair to us, we are being unfair to ourselves by mixing up our priorities.
Our Prophet ﷺ was never disquieted or agitated in a moment of tribulation. Even in the most difficult day of his life, he ended his prayer by telling Allah, “So long as You are not angry with me, I don’t care.” Agitation at the tribulations around us is inconsistent with the characteristic of believers.
“It is He who sent down tranquillity into the hearts of the believers that they would increase in faith along with their [present] faith. And to Allah belong the soldiers of the heavens and the earth, and ever is Allah Knowing and Wise.” (Qur’an 48:4)
We need to internalize the fact that we come from Allah (swt) and we will return to Allah (swt). We have to remember that we are in good hands. It’s strange that we love and trust our parents so much, yet we do not fully trust Allah’s plans for us— whose plan it was in the first place to send us to these safe hands. We know with utter conviction that these two temporary guardians (our mum and dad) will take care of us, yet we don’t believe our real and eternal Guardian will take care of us. He took care of us before we had our parents. He took care of us when we were in the wombs. He (swt) took care of us when we couldn’t even ask for anything. If He took care of us through all this, how can we think He will forsake us now and not give us what is best for us?
Brothers and sisters in Islam, let us be mindful of our Lord and straighten our affairs with Him. The result to this will be that He (swt) will straighten the rest of our affairs for us, perhaps in ways we’re not going to quite understand.
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” – (Qur’an 2:153)
by Shohala Hakim (http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/you-will-find-me-if-allah-so-wills-among-those-who-are-patient/)
“And when he reached with him [the age of] exertion, he said, “O my son, indeed I have seen in a dream that I [must] sacrifice you, so see what you think.” He said, “O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the steadfast.” And when they had both submitted and he put him down upon his forehead, We called to him, “O Abraham, You have fulfilled the vision.” Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good. Indeed, this was the clear trial.” (Qur’an 37:102-106)
Above is the conversation between Ibrahim `alayhi sallatu wa sallam (may God send His peace and blessings on him) and one of his sons. Here we see that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He) asks Ibrahim (as) to make the most difficult of sacrifices. There are many kinds of tribulations in this world that leave us at utter loss and dismay, but one of the most painful tribulations for a parent is to lose his or her child. Yet, in the verses above we see a very different reaction from Ibrahim (as), and more so from his son. Allah (swt) makes it very clear at the end that it was obviously a trial for them. So what exactly makes these people different from us as to how we react to a test from Allah (swt)? A growing epidemic among Muslims today is the absolute impatience with the decree of Allah (swt). Oftentimes we see negativity in everything that unexpectedly happens to us; we completely lose our cool when afflicted with tribulation. And why do we react this way so often? Perhaps because our priorities are skewed and we trust ourselves more than we trust our Lord (swt).
Ibrahim (as) and his son were in a complete state of submission to their Lord—they had an undeniable certainly that their Lord, Al Lateef (the Gentle, the Subtle), would never hurt them, that they were in the good hands of Al Waali (the Protecter). To make it clearer, Imam al Ghazali (may God have mercy on him) said that it does not matter what situation you are in, what matters is what you make out of that situation. This means that we need to realize and be confident in what really matters. Our priority is to be successful in terms of the akhira (afterlife). Our priority is to be in obedience to Allah (swt) in every living condition possible.
Allah (swt) Exists when we are unwell and when we are well. He (swt) Exists when we are poor and when we are rich, when we are sad and when we are happy. So what difference does our state make when, in every state, Al Hay (the Living God) is ever-present with us? Can’t a poor person be more beloved to Allah (swt) than a rich person because of his mindfulness of Allah? Can’t a person with cancer be more beloved to Allah than a healthy person because of her love for Allah (swt)? We don’t have knowledge of the unseen. We don’t know what His plans for us are. But the knowledge that Allah (swt) did convey to us through His messengers is that the only thing that has any value in His sight is our taqwa (mindfulness of God). And the moment we internalize this, our problems of dunya (this life) will begin to look insignificant. How can outward and arbitrary tribulations be tribulations when we know that these events, by no means, can take us away from His obedience?
Some may ask, well if Allah has already decreed everything for us, then what’s the point of life anyway? Yes, whatever Allah (swt) has decreed will come to pass, but the point is not what Allah has decreed, the point is our reaction and response to whatever Allah (swt) decreed for us. Let us consider the example of Aasiya (may God be pleased with her): it was decreed that she would marry Pharaoh, but her forbearance and absolute conviction in the hereafter brought her so close to Allah (swt) that Allah showed her her house in Paradise. So next time we face a dead end in life, let’s remember that the situation at hand is not important. The importance actually lies in the fact that Allah (swt) has given you a chance to prove your love for Him.
And why should our priority be the akhira and not the dunya? Because whether good or bad, our life will come to an end very soon, but the hereafter is eternal. After 50 years it won’t matter if you got accepted to Yale or not. What’s going to matter for eternity is our relationship with our Lord. We all want to go to Jannah (Paradise), but the even the thought of death makes us uncomfortable. Perhaps that is because deep inside we know that we are not serious enough about our permanent abode. Most of us get worried out of our wits when we can’t hand in an assignment on time, but we couldn’t care less about the call of the adhaan (the call to prayer) five times a day. We log onto Facebook every day, but we forget to open the book of Allah as often. Allah (swt) is not being unfair to us, we are being unfair to ourselves by mixing up our priorities.
Our Prophet ﷺ was never disquieted or agitated in a moment of tribulation. Even in the most difficult day of his life, he ended his prayer by telling Allah, “So long as You are not angry with me, I don’t care.” Agitation at the tribulations around us is inconsistent with the characteristic of believers.
“It is He who sent down tranquillity into the hearts of the believers that they would increase in faith along with their [present] faith. And to Allah belong the soldiers of the heavens and the earth, and ever is Allah Knowing and Wise.” (Qur’an 48:4)
We need to internalize the fact that we come from Allah (swt) and we will return to Allah (swt). We have to remember that we are in good hands. It’s strange that we love and trust our parents so much, yet we do not fully trust Allah’s plans for us— whose plan it was in the first place to send us to these safe hands. We know with utter conviction that these two temporary guardians (our mum and dad) will take care of us, yet we don’t believe our real and eternal Guardian will take care of us. He took care of us before we had our parents. He took care of us when we were in the wombs. He (swt) took care of us when we couldn’t even ask for anything. If He took care of us through all this, how can we think He will forsake us now and not give us what is best for us?
Brothers and sisters in Islam, let us be mindful of our Lord and straighten our affairs with Him. The result to this will be that He (swt) will straighten the rest of our affairs for us, perhaps in ways we’re not going to quite understand.
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” – (Qur’an 2:153)
by Shohala Hakim (http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/you-will-find-me-if-allah-so-wills-among-those-who-are-patient/)
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Ramadan 2012
Assalam Walaikum my little sisters. Sorry I have not written anything for a while , I have been very busy! Okay so, it's Ruza and we are now in the last 10 days - and I can honestly say that my heart just fills with sadness by the thought that it will all be over soon.
When I was younger I just kept ruza for the sake of it, you just keep it because your parent's tell you or because we just know that it's 'right' to keep it. But when you get older you soon realise the real importance of fasting.
Now, if you want a very clear and concise reason for why we fast click this: http://islamqa.info/en/ref/38064. But for me, especially over the last couple of years since nanu died ruza has been something much more than an 'obligation', it has been something which I truly look forward to. It's really hard to put into words how much ruza means to me and only Allah SWT knows what is in my heart but it's like a yearning. I yearn that everyday I please Allah, that I am truly utilising my time, that I am repenting and that I am amongst those that Allah guides. And for me, this yearning just doesn't stop after ruza - but it literally charges my batteries and my heart and just makes me realise our purpose in life.
We never ever take the time during our day to day life to stop and think, "what are we actually doing here?" We are not a figment of eachother's imagination, we are real, we are here on this earth for a reason. Look around Allah has created everything, and He has created everything so perfectly and we as his servants are leading our lives for Him. I always sit and ponder this every night and think about the day I die. On that day - we will have no time left on this dunya, which has been provided to us as a means to get to Jannah. "Have I done enough?" is what I always ask myself, and the answer is "no". We never do enough. I want my heart to be filled with love for Allah - and that is what I am yearning for.
So, ruza for me is more than fasting - it's a reminder that we are only here for a short time - let's devote that time to Allah SWT.
I really pray and make duaa that as you grow up and InshAllah keep your fasts, that everyday you realise the value and blessing that Allah has bestowed upon you. He has chosen us and allowed us to fast and the best thing we can do, as His slaves is to submit our hearts to Allah and realise how blessed we truly are.
Love all you munchkins so much
x
When I was younger I just kept ruza for the sake of it, you just keep it because your parent's tell you or because we just know that it's 'right' to keep it. But when you get older you soon realise the real importance of fasting.
Now, if you want a very clear and concise reason for why we fast click this: http://islamqa.info/en/ref/38064. But for me, especially over the last couple of years since nanu died ruza has been something much more than an 'obligation', it has been something which I truly look forward to. It's really hard to put into words how much ruza means to me and only Allah SWT knows what is in my heart but it's like a yearning. I yearn that everyday I please Allah, that I am truly utilising my time, that I am repenting and that I am amongst those that Allah guides. And for me, this yearning just doesn't stop after ruza - but it literally charges my batteries and my heart and just makes me realise our purpose in life.
We never ever take the time during our day to day life to stop and think, "what are we actually doing here?" We are not a figment of eachother's imagination, we are real, we are here on this earth for a reason. Look around Allah has created everything, and He has created everything so perfectly and we as his servants are leading our lives for Him. I always sit and ponder this every night and think about the day I die. On that day - we will have no time left on this dunya, which has been provided to us as a means to get to Jannah. "Have I done enough?" is what I always ask myself, and the answer is "no". We never do enough. I want my heart to be filled with love for Allah - and that is what I am yearning for.
So, ruza for me is more than fasting - it's a reminder that we are only here for a short time - let's devote that time to Allah SWT.
I really pray and make duaa that as you grow up and InshAllah keep your fasts, that everyday you realise the value and blessing that Allah has bestowed upon you. He has chosen us and allowed us to fast and the best thing we can do, as His slaves is to submit our hearts to Allah and realise how blessed we truly are.
Love all you munchkins so much
x
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Update: Life and Job !!!
It has been so long since I have posted something, but I realised that I haven't actually spoken about where I am at right now in my life!
Basically there will come a point in your life where you would have finished all your studies and are now left with pondering about 'what is to come' ie. the 'future'! It is a scary place, your not at that age anymore where you can just say "I want to do this" but really when we all said that it was just some dream or aspiration! But really now you actually have to do something about your dreams.... I'm going to be honest it's a confusing place to be...
I always knew I wanted to help people, whether it was going to another country to dig a well, build a shelter or just work for a charity, I just knew I wanted to help people. I kind of forgot about what I really wanted to do and got sucked into the path that many asian girls get sucked into : 'law and medicine'. Now I am not dissing anyone who chooses to do those subjects, I mean I had an amazing time at Uni and I am really glad I did a law degree but honestly in my heart of hearts I knew I did it to make my parents happy. Now there is nothing wrong in pleasing your parents because as children we should always yearn to make them happy. BUT in our religion and on the day of judgement, Allah will not ask us what grade we got in our degree. Degree can get you far in this life, but always remember that the next life is eternal.
Please don't think that I am telling you that education is not important, because trust me after our religion it is THE most important thing that you all need to focus on but what I am trying to say (but taking ages to say it) is that do something that you love. So many people will question your judgements but the only judgement you should truly care about is Allah's.
I am about to start an internship at Cancer Research and I feel so happy but yet feel a little sad for some reason. It is an amazing opportunity, but again I know that not everyone understands my career choices. But you know what, if the people who are really close to you get what your doing and if you are happy, then that is all that matters :)
Ok so basically hijab update : so it has been 6 months since I have been wearing my hijab and honestly it is THE best thing I have done in my life. I cannot actually imagine my life without it. It is a security blanket for me now, it protects me. But you know what, something that you may or may not come across is that once you start showing very strong iman, shaytaan is after you. As haunting as it sounds, it is true. I read something and it really has stayed with me : "why would a thief rob an empty house?" The shaytaan will always be with those that have strong hearts, remember that Allah tests the ones he loves so stay strong and always have faith. This life is just a test, don't loose sight of why we are here and what our purpose is and what the final destinational will be :)
So my advice to my darling sisters (our little group is growing): do what pleases your parents, you and foremost Allah. Love you all x
Basically there will come a point in your life where you would have finished all your studies and are now left with pondering about 'what is to come' ie. the 'future'! It is a scary place, your not at that age anymore where you can just say "I want to do this" but really when we all said that it was just some dream or aspiration! But really now you actually have to do something about your dreams.... I'm going to be honest it's a confusing place to be...
I always knew I wanted to help people, whether it was going to another country to dig a well, build a shelter or just work for a charity, I just knew I wanted to help people. I kind of forgot about what I really wanted to do and got sucked into the path that many asian girls get sucked into : 'law and medicine'. Now I am not dissing anyone who chooses to do those subjects, I mean I had an amazing time at Uni and I am really glad I did a law degree but honestly in my heart of hearts I knew I did it to make my parents happy. Now there is nothing wrong in pleasing your parents because as children we should always yearn to make them happy. BUT in our religion and on the day of judgement, Allah will not ask us what grade we got in our degree. Degree can get you far in this life, but always remember that the next life is eternal.
Please don't think that I am telling you that education is not important, because trust me after our religion it is THE most important thing that you all need to focus on but what I am trying to say (but taking ages to say it) is that do something that you love. So many people will question your judgements but the only judgement you should truly care about is Allah's.
I am about to start an internship at Cancer Research and I feel so happy but yet feel a little sad for some reason. It is an amazing opportunity, but again I know that not everyone understands my career choices. But you know what, if the people who are really close to you get what your doing and if you are happy, then that is all that matters :)
Ok so basically hijab update : so it has been 6 months since I have been wearing my hijab and honestly it is THE best thing I have done in my life. I cannot actually imagine my life without it. It is a security blanket for me now, it protects me. But you know what, something that you may or may not come across is that once you start showing very strong iman, shaytaan is after you. As haunting as it sounds, it is true. I read something and it really has stayed with me : "why would a thief rob an empty house?" The shaytaan will always be with those that have strong hearts, remember that Allah tests the ones he loves so stay strong and always have faith. This life is just a test, don't loose sight of why we are here and what our purpose is and what the final destinational will be :)
So my advice to my darling sisters (our little group is growing): do what pleases your parents, you and foremost Allah. Love you all x
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Friends.....
Have not written a post for absolutely ages, so apologies my little sisters! But one of you asked me the other day about what you should do if one of your best friends is talking behind your back. Now I have been in that situation before where all your friends are acting like jerks and are following the crowd and making you feel alone! But believe you me, they will see the light eventually! What you should never do is compromise yourself, always be strong and put yourself first. You need to confront the person who you once trusted and show them that you cannot be pushed around! Remember that throughout your life you will always come across people that try to put you down, and in those situations you need to find the people who really do love you and focus all your attention on them! You are special and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
The Value of Love and Trust.....
I have been meaning to write a post for ages now about a certain someone and a group of people....
This will probably be of no relevance to anyone reading this, except my sisters!
When I was about 11/12, I remember being in such a weird point in my life, where I was growing up in a white area and all m friends were going out etc and I couldn't do anything! I wasn't in touch with my roots in Bangladesh at all and was not close to anyone over there. I always felt like no-one understood me and that I was an outcast.So when I was around that age, we went to Bangladesh, first for my cousins wedding and then about a year later just for a holiday. Well, I can honestly say that that was the time when it all changed for me! It just took a month for me to become close to the people who are now, not only my sisters, but my best friends.
The person who changed my everything is probably reading this thinking I am being a drama queen about how much of an impact she has had on my life, but if it was not for her, I honestly would not know what to do.
I cannot even begin to describe how much I love her, whatever needs to be said about her she has heard this already from me, but what I can say is that we just 'fit'. We are so different, yet we have the most strongest bond ever, and the funniest thing is that she is half way across the world! It has been almost 10 years and things are still the same as ever, if not even stronger.
I literally trust her with my life, if I have anything on my mind I always have to tell her and that is the way it has always been and that is how it will remain InshAllah.
We all need people in our lives who we trust completely, and as cliche as it sounds, we need someone to catch us when we fall. My sisters love and accept me no matter what and I have never felt that from anyone else in my family apart from my parents and little sister! We are always there for each other when things go right or wrong, and the advice is there in abundance. I seriously would not know what kind of person I would be if I didn't have my sisters in my life.
And the funniest thing is, I don't even feel like we should ever use the word 'cousin' to describe eachother, I literally feel like their flesh and blood and that kind of love can never be replaced.
I never ever feel alone when I think of them, and I am truly blessed that my sister is a part of me and a part of who I am....
So my advice to my little sisters, is to never forget how important the bond of 'sisterhood' is. There is no such things as 'cousins' in our vocabulary! Always be there for one another and protect each other always....
This will probably be of no relevance to anyone reading this, except my sisters!
When I was about 11/12, I remember being in such a weird point in my life, where I was growing up in a white area and all m friends were going out etc and I couldn't do anything! I wasn't in touch with my roots in Bangladesh at all and was not close to anyone over there. I always felt like no-one understood me and that I was an outcast.So when I was around that age, we went to Bangladesh, first for my cousins wedding and then about a year later just for a holiday. Well, I can honestly say that that was the time when it all changed for me! It just took a month for me to become close to the people who are now, not only my sisters, but my best friends.
The person who changed my everything is probably reading this thinking I am being a drama queen about how much of an impact she has had on my life, but if it was not for her, I honestly would not know what to do.
I cannot even begin to describe how much I love her, whatever needs to be said about her she has heard this already from me, but what I can say is that we just 'fit'. We are so different, yet we have the most strongest bond ever, and the funniest thing is that she is half way across the world! It has been almost 10 years and things are still the same as ever, if not even stronger.
I literally trust her with my life, if I have anything on my mind I always have to tell her and that is the way it has always been and that is how it will remain InshAllah.
We all need people in our lives who we trust completely, and as cliche as it sounds, we need someone to catch us when we fall. My sisters love and accept me no matter what and I have never felt that from anyone else in my family apart from my parents and little sister! We are always there for each other when things go right or wrong, and the advice is there in abundance. I seriously would not know what kind of person I would be if I didn't have my sisters in my life.
And the funniest thing is, I don't even feel like we should ever use the word 'cousin' to describe eachother, I literally feel like their flesh and blood and that kind of love can never be replaced.
I never ever feel alone when I think of them, and I am truly blessed that my sister is a part of me and a part of who I am....
So my advice to my little sisters, is to never forget how important the bond of 'sisterhood' is. There is no such things as 'cousins' in our vocabulary! Always be there for one another and protect each other always....
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Truly inspirational story about sisters and faith...
Her cheeks were worn and sunken, and her skin hugged her bones. That didn't stop her because you could never catch her not reciting Qur'an. She was always vigil in her personal prayer room that our father had set up for her. Bowing, prostrating, raising her hands in prayer, was the way she was from dawn to sunset and back again; boredom was for other people.
As for me, I craved nothing more than fashion magazines and novels. I treated myself to videos until the trips to the rental place became my trademark. It’s a saying that when something becomes habit, people tend to distinguish you by it. I was negligent in my responsibilities and my salah was characterized by laziness.
One night, after a long three hours of watching, I turned the video off. The adhan rose softly in the quiet night. I slipped peacefully into my blanket.
Her voice called me from her prayer room. "Yes? Would you like anything Noorah?" I asked.
With a sharp needle she popped my plans. "Don't sleep before you pray Fajr!"
Agghh! “There's still an hour before Fajr. That was only the first adhan,” I said.
With those loving pinches of hers, she called me closer. She was like that even before the fierce sickness shook her spirit and shut her in bed. "Hanan, can you come sit beside me."
I could never refuse any of her requests; you could touch the purity and sincerity in her. "Yes, Noorah?"
"Please sit here."
"Alright, I’m sitting. What's on your mind?"
With the sweetest mono voice she began reciting:
Every soul shall taste death and you will merely be repaid your earnings on the Day of Resurrection.
She stopped thoughtfully. Then she asked, "Do you believe in death?"
"Of course I do,” I replied.
"Do you believe that you shall be responsible for whatever you do, regardless of how small or large?"
"I do, but Allah is Forgiving and Merciful, and I’ve got a long life waiting for me."
"Stop it Hanan! Are you not afraid of death and its abruptness? Take a look at Hind. She was younger than you but she died in a car accident. Death is age-blind and your age could never be a measure of when you shall die."
The darkness of the room filled my skin with fear. "I'm scared of the dark and now you made me scared of death. How am I supposed to go to sleep now? Noorah, I thought you promised you'd go with us on vacation during the summer break."
Her voice broke and her heart quivered. "I might be going on a long trip this year Hanan, but somewhere else. All of our lives are in Allah’s hands and we all belong to Him."
My eyes welled and the tears slipped down both cheeks. I pondered my sisters grizzly sickness. The doctors had informed my father in private that there was not much hope Noorah was going to outlive the disease. She wasn't told, so I wondered who hinted to her. Or was it that she could sense the truth?
"What are you thinking about Hanan?" Her voice was sharp. "Do you think I am just saying this because I am sick? I hope not. In fact, I may live longer than people who are not sick. How long are you going to live Hanan? Perhaps twenty years? Maybe forty? Then what?" Through the dark she reached for my hand and squeezed gently. "There's no difference between us; we're all going to leave this world to live in Paradise or agonize in Hell.
Listen to the words of Allah:
Anyone who is pushed away from the Fire and shown into Jannah will have triumphed.
I left my sister's room dazed, her words ringing in my ears: “May Allah guide you Hanan - don't forget your prayer.”
I heard pounding on my door at eight o'clock in the morning. I don't usually wake up at this time. There was crying and confusion. O Allah, what happened?
Noorah’s condition became critical after Fajr; they took her to the hospital immediately.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon.
There wasn't going to be any trips this summer. It was written that I would spend the summer at home.
It felt like an eternity had gone by when it was one o'clock in the afternoon. Mother phoned the hospital.
"Yes. You can come and see her now." Dad's voice had changed, and mother could sense something had gone deathly wrong. We left immediately.
Where was that avenue I used to travel and thought was so short? Why was it so very long now? Where was the cherished crowd and traffic that would give me a chance to gaze left and right? Everyone, just move out of our way!
Mother was shaking her head in her hands crying as she made du'a for her Noorah. We arrived at the hospital’s main entrance. One man was moaning, while another was involved in an accident. A third man’s eyes were iced. You couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive.
Noorah was in intensive care. We skipped stairs to her floor. The nurse approached us. "Let me take you to her."
As we walked down the aisles the nurse went on expressing how sweet of a girl Noorah was. She somewhat reassured Mother that Noorah’s condition had gotten better than what it was in the morning. "Sorry. No more than one visitor at a time,” the nurse said.
"How are you Noorah? You were fine last night sister, what happened?"
We held hands; she squeezed harmlessly. "Even now, alhamdulillah, I'm doing fine."
"Alhamdulillah...but...your hands are so cold."
"No, it is just that I remembered Allah's words.”
Waltafatul saaqu bil saaq (One leg will be wrapped to the other leg [in the death shroud]).
"Hanan pray for me. I may be meeting the first day of the Hereafter very soon. It’s a long journey and I haven't prepared enough good deeds in my suitcase."
A tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek at her words. I cried and she joined me. The room blurred away and left us two sisters to cry together. Rivulets of tears splashed down on my sister’s palm, which I held with both hands. Dad was now becoming more worried about me. I've never cried like that before.
At home and upstairs in my room, I watched the sun pass away with a sorrowful day. Silence mingled in our corridors. One after another, my cousins came in my room. The visitors were many and all the voices from downstairs stirred together. Only one thing was clear at that point – Noorah had died!
I stopped distinguishing who came and who went. I couldn't remember what they said. O Allah, where was I? What was going on? I couldn't even cry anymore.Later that week they told me what had happened. Dad had taken my hand to say goodbye to my sister for the last time. I had kissed Noorah's head.
I remember only one thing while seeing her spread on that bed – the bed that she was going to die on. I remembered the verse she recited:
One leg will be wrapped to the other leg (in the death shroud).
And I knew too well the truth of the next verse:
The drive on that day will be to your Lord (Allah)!
I tiptoed into her prayer room that night. Staring at the quiet dressers and silenced mirrors, I treasured the person that had shared my mother's stomach with me. Noorah was my twin sister.
I remembered who I had swapped sorrows with, who comforted my rainy days. I remembered who prayed for my guidance and who spent so many tears for many long nights telling me about death and accountability. May Allah save us all.
Tonight is Noorah's first night that she shall spend in her tomb. O Allah, have mercy on her and illumine her grave. This was her Qur'an and her prayer mat. And this was the spring, rose-colored dress that she told me she would hide until she got married; the dress she wanted to keep just for her husband.
I remembered my sister and cried over all the days that I had lost. I prayed to Allah to have mercy on me, accept me and forgive me. I prayed to Allah to keep her firm in her grave as she always liked to mention in her supplications.
At that moment, I stopped. I asked myself what if it was I who had died. Where would I be moving on to? Fear pressed me and the tears began all over again.
“Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar…” The first adhan rose softly from the masjid. It sounded so beautiful this time. I felt calm and relaxed as I repeated the mu’adhin’s call. I wrapped the shawl around my shoulders and stood to pray Fajr. I prayed as if it was my last prayer, a farewell prayer, just like Noorah had done yesterday. It had been her last Fajr.
Now, and in sha Allah for the rest of my life, if I awake in the morning I do not count on being alive by evening, and in the evening I do not count on being alive by morning. We are all going on Noorah's journey. What have we prepared for it?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message to Yumna: I read this to you on the 16th June 2011 and you were only 8 years old but you cried after hearing this story. I never knew how much it would effect you and it just shows me what a beautiful little girl you are.. I am so proud of you and how much you respect Allah at such a young age. I pray that this will continue and that it has. This story can teach us a lot about our faith, but amongst other things it displays the bond between sisters. I know you know how much I love you, but remember nothing can break our bond and I will be here for you always x love your big sister <3
So, my advice to my little sisters is that you should never wait for tomorrow to come, seize the day and pray like it is your last...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)